


i'd give up forever to touch you ('cause i know that you feel me somehow)

by julyseok



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Angst, Character Death, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, fluff if you squint, slight mentions of an abusive relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2019-08-01 12:26:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16284584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julyseok/pseuds/julyseok
Summary: It's not like Seongwu doesn't want Minhyun to be happy. He does, in his own selfish little ways; heart still secretly fond of the man till Minhyun's wedding day.And when he's granted the chance to change history, he finds it a hard time to pass it up. But like all greedy-fueled wishes, it comes with a retribution in return.





	i'd give up forever to touch you ('cause i know that you feel me somehow)

**Author's Note:**

> sirius rises fourth round, prompt #6!
> 
> just a few notes:
> 
> \- thank you prompter for this idea and allowing me to make slight changes to the original prompt! hopefully it's not too bad and that the cult enjoys it :D (also i'm looking forward for you exposing yourself so i can properly thank you uwu)  
> \- my chaotic beta, friend and assignment partner @softboysprotectionsquad; thanks for proof-reading and entertaining my bullshit till past midnight. i now owe you two lunches  
> \- thank uuuu siriusrises for organizing an onghwang ficfest, i can't imagine the hassle you guys need to go through every month ;;;; bless your souls. you did it for the gays  
> \- besides the prompt, i was also inspired by this tv drama i watched called "three wishes". the plot is similar, except its focus is on family matters and not trying to salvage a relationship  
> \- tags are important!!!! the mention of an abusive relationship isn't explicit but if you're uncomfortable with it, it starts at "His thumb stops when it scrolls up to July, nearing four months prior" and ends at "You’re not sleeping yet?” Minhyun yawns out, popping one eye open." stay safe, friends  
> \- i have midterms in three days so we can totally see what my priorities are
> 
> twitter: @galileosjuly

_The turbulent turns_  
_and the tides that twist them._  
_When what they once were,_  
_was how she had wished them._  
_And all the joys that he brought her-_  
_oh, how she could list them._

_In time she will learn  
not to miss them._

 

The wind brings a fresh scent of flowers, just as the weather forecast had predicted this morning — the smell of autumn bloom brings gentle smiles on the guests’ faces as they clink their wine glasses against each other’s. There are women everywhere in their white and pink gowns and glowing makeup with their chaperone partners who seem just as beautiful. Laughter is heard every now and then as small talks are exchanged. Children running around in their tiny suits and dresses, taking the big garden given to them as an opportunity to play hide-and-seek with their friends. There is a live band playing near the entrance, entertaining the crowd with a set of songs that doesn’t sound too bad at all, and the young adults at the scene seem to agree, by the way they move their bodies along to the music; the corners of their mouth twitching upwards with crinkling eyes. 

Once upon a time not too long ago, Seongwu had this exact scene in mind.

It’s different every time. Sometimes they marry during the summer on the beach, where the man he loves still looks ridiculously handsome in bridal shorts. They would have seafood, because their younger friends have been bugging them about the dinner course for years. Other times they would marry during winter, somewhere quiet in Finland where Seongwu first proposed during one of their spontaneous trips, because Seongwu can’t imagine seeing the aurora borealis with someone else. It’d just be a small ceremony; just two hearts beating as one underneath the northern lights.

This scene in front of his eyes now is beautiful. Breathtaking. Almost better than every other scene he’s planned before.

Seongwu glances down at his cleanly pressed coat. He doesn’t look too bad. He even went an extra mile and asked his sister to apply a bit of concealer for him and iron his hair. He used his most expensive perfume and polished his shoes yesterday. He knows he looks dashing, if the interested glances and quirk of an eyebrow from certain men and women his age don’t already say so. 

He looks good. He looks just like the rest of them. And that’s what breaks his heart.

Never in any of the scenes he imagined had he seen himself as a guest. It’s always Jaehwan or Jihoon wearing the black suit, sometimes Daniel would be the one at the receptionist inviting guests in. Woojin would make a toast to him. Seongwu would be in white, with a ring in his hand and the other interlaced with the love of his life’s as they stand in front of the chapel saying their vows. 

He blames himself for letting his imagination run a little too wild. 

Seongwu ends up inching closer to the front when the priest calls for attention. He watches the entire scene unfold in front of his eyes; the exchange of rings, the endless vows and promises, the kiss. The crowd roars in happiness. Daniel claps his back, giggling because one of his best friends is finally married. The man he loves is glowing underneath the white arch, to say the least. His ears are red, but that’s normal. His eyes are the size of the moon. 

“I love you”, Minhyun says to his husband. 

Seongwu almost replies, as he always did in his dreams. 

Several minutes later, he finds himself being pulled to a table where they’re all seated. He clears his throat when all eyes are fixed on him; his friends’ eyebrows wiggling. Minhyun is smiling softly at him, seated a few feet away. Seongwu usually basks in attention, since he’s naturally a performer, but today he wished it was someone else in his shoes.

“This is a toast”, Seongwu starts, raising his glass of champagne, “to my best friend Hwang Minhyun.” 

Minhyun’s face breaks into a giant grin, foxy eyes turning into crescents. Seongwu’s eyes are trained on the hand that is on top of his husband’s.

He continues. “Hwang Minhyun is a big head, a Transformers nerd with little to no knowledge of how social media lingos work, with an everdying passion on singing even though sometimes I just want him to shut up. But of course, he never does”, Seongwu rolls his eyes and Woojin cackles loudly in the background. “Being his deskmate in high school is terrible because he always finishes his work on time and it makes me look like a loser, but he’s bad at soccer so I guess that evens out.” He chuckles when he sees Minhyun’s eyes twinkle.

“Being his roommate throughout college was worse. Minhyun, have I told you that you talk in your sleep?”

Minhyun turns red. “Hey”, he pouts aloud and everyone laughs good-heartedly.

Seongwu grins, “Once he was murmuring about some maths equation in his sleep. But I forgive him because it came out in the exam the next day.” 

Seongwu’s smile falters. “Despite making bad puns and pushing his cleaning agendas on me, Hwang Minhyun is a good person. He’s beautiful inside out and has no single bad trait.” Seongwu stops. “And I love him.”

Minhyun fixes his stare on Seongwu. The room is quiet; a confession of love that has been in the dark for years, unfolding in a place that shouldn’t have had seen light.

“I really do love him”, Seongwu starts again, fingers braced tightly around the glass, long damped with condensation. He lets out a chuckle as he locks eyes with Minhyun, who seems nervous, “Funny how things work, doesn’t it? I spent half my years in high school hating you only to feel the opposite when we somehow bonded over music. All the time in college wondering if you’d feel the same way if I ever said anything about it. If the times you climbed into my bed for comfort mean something.”

There is an incomprehensible expression written on Minhyun’s face. His pretty features contort into confusion. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Daniel squirming in his seat. 

“I love you”, he ignites again, unbothered and enunciating each word as though it will be the last time he’d say it, “like how best friends love each other.” 

He could almost hear a sigh of relief from the crowd. An amused smile breaks on Minhyun’s lips. He’s probably thinking that it’s one of Seongwu’s infamous pranks again.

“Congratulations on your marriage”, Seongwu says with a grin he managed to muster. No underlying intentions this time. “Be happy and be loved, Minhyun. It’s what you deserve.” 

Seongwu tilts his head back as the champagne trickles past his lips and down his throat and the guests follow suit. The other party’s representative stands up to make a toast and Seongwu takes it as his curtain call. Another play well done.

No one notices when Seongwu walks out of the room. They are all waltzing, or at least trying to. Daniel and Jihoon are following the newly wed around each table to make a toast. Jaehwan breaks out an impromptu vocal performance, and everyone cheers.

Seongwu leaves with his coat in his hand and walks in the dark. 

The walk from the wedding venue to the train station is a long one and Seongwu trudges slowly. Flashbacks of memories with him and Minhyun play and replay in his head. A million other questions running through the gears of his mind. Why couldn’t he move on from this pathetic crush he’s had on Minhyun since they were eighteen? Why does he have to be the one standing at the sidelines, enduring the pain and sorrows watching the man he loves marrying someone that isn’t him? Why can’t Minhyun just love him the way he does?

A feeble sob escapes from his lips and that is only when Seongwu realizes he’s reached the station, and he’s crying. He covers his mouth with the back of his hand to hide the garble of nonsense. 

“Tough night?” 

Seongwu snaps out from his reverie at the arrival of a voice. He turns his head and finds an old man, probably in his late seventies, standing behind a stall that seems to be his. There is one last packet of bread on the table. Seongwu dries the tears on his cheek with the hem of his sleeve and slides him a twenty dollar note kindly. “Ahjussi go home, it’s getting late.”

The old man laughs, handing Seongwu the food. “The night has barely started, young man.” When Seongwu offers no reply, busying himself by munching into the bread, taste stale on tongue, he continues, “Something must’ve upset you.”

“Is it obvious?”

He smiles. “People like you hide emotions well that when you break it’s written all over your face.” 

In the flickering darkness and empty platforms, Seongwu spills to the stranger. “I have a lot of regrets”, he begins with a pursed lips. “Not telling my best friend I’m in love with him is the first of many.”

The old man hums, almost soothingly to Seongwu’s ears. 

“It’s stupid”, Seongwu feels the urge to demean himself again in the loud silence, “I keep telling myself next year, next year and next year and _next_ — and now he’s _married_ —”

The reminder makes him break. Bitter tears run down his face. He fists his shirt as he cries out his sorrows; and he tries to decipher the ache of his heart; whether it’s jealousy towards Jaehyun or his own self-frustration for never confessing or anger towards Minhyun that he didn’t like Seongwu back, but it doesn’t matter and it will never ever matter because Seongwu is too late.

He feels a pat on his palm; the skin of the old man’s hand is cold and creased. “Hush, hush”, he reassures as he cradles Seongwu’s palm in both his hands. Seongwu’s chest heaves as he struggles to control his shaky breathing.

“Tell me, do you want to turn back time and change what happened?” Comes a question out of the blue. Seongwu blinks back his tears and scrunches his eyebrows, “What?”

“There are some regrets that you can learn to live with. That would not be a regret anymore ten days or ten years from now”, the old man says, fixing an icy stare on Seongwu. “Ask yourself. Not marrying your best friend, is it something you can get over with?” He swirls a thumb on Seongwu’s wrist. “Or would you change the past?”

Seongwu mulls over his words. Thinks about the repercussions if he could ever have a decision like this. “I’d change the past”, he finally replies, swallowing any guilt that follows. “It has always been Minhyun. It’s always only Minhyun.”

There’s a beat of silence before Seongwu feels cold metal pressed onto his palm. He spies two coins that the old man passed to him and arches a brow. “What’s this? A wishing coin?” He plays with it between his fingers, sensing the cold craft on the surface.

“I wish you didn’t say the latter, Seongwu.” There is a glimmer of peril in his eyes for a split second and it sends a shiver down Seongwu’s spine. “Every time you turn back time, there is a retribution. I’ve seen it with my own two eyes, with the curse of four coins at the start. The worst retributions of all is when you see it happening to people around you. The first is always small, you’d barely think it’s your fault. In time you will learn this is not a gift, rather, a burden.”

“What?” Seongwu feels confused.

“Wish well, son”, the old man motions to the arriving train behind him. Seongwu curses underneath his breath when the doors start to beep. He nearly flinches when the man grips his wrist as he turns, “But then again, I hope you don’t wish at all.”

The request comes out sounding almost sinister. Seongwu quickly bows, cold coins still wrapped tightly in his fist, and makes a dash for his train. 

He switches on his phone when he’s finally in his apartment and it dings with several notifications. Many of them from the man who tore his heart into two.

 **Hwang Cheongie (Received, 7.20 p.m)**  
_Where are you???_

 **Hwang Cheongie (Received, 7.34 p.m)**  
_Did you really leave early? What kind of friend are you, seriously ㅠㅠ_

 **Hwang Cheongie (Received, 7.51 p.m)**  
_Never mind, Daniel just told me you were feeling really sick. Are you ok?_

 **Hwang Cheongie (Received, 7.53 p.m)**  
_Rest well Seongwu-ya. And thank you for everything again. You’re my best friend forever_

 **Hwang Cheongie (Received, 11.24 p.m)**  
_Ah I know you’re probably still sleeping but… we’re going to have sex for the first time and I’m nervous ㅠㅠ really should’ve listened to your advice when we were 18 huh? ㅋㅋㅋ_

 **Hwang Cheongie (Received, 11.31 p.m)**  
_Wish me luck!!!!! I’ll see you soon ongcheongie ☺_

Seongwu doesn’t realize he’s holding his breath until he feels lightheaded and lets out a shaky exhale. He feels as though he’s caught within a dream; somehow all the dreams where he ends up with Minhyun feel more real than this one. 

Seongwu loosens his tie to get more air, clearly still shaken up with the thought of Minhyun being someone else’s. Unintentionally, he shifts his gaze to the golden coins sitting patiently on the desk where he left them. They twinkle underneath his desk lamp, inviting Seongwu closer.

There’s a debate running through the gears of his head. He takes a step nearer when his desires win over his rationality, and picks one of the coins up.

The surface of the coin feels rough and the colour is chipped off. It weighs heavier in his palm now, for some reason. Seongwu is not one to believe in magic but he also didn’t believe Minhyun would fall in love with someone else, considering all the years they spent together.

He holds it out of his window, coin resting on the tip of his index finger. He licks his bottom lip. “You won’t blame me for this would you, Minhyun?” Fresh tears burn behind his eyes. “You won’t think I’m selfish for wanting this?” 

The shame hangs heavy in the air and his question remains unanswered. Seongwu flicks the coin out of his window, immediately disappearing in the cold, dark night. 

He stands frozen, waiting for the world to spin a little faster or to enter a time warp. Neither of it happens and Seongwu finds himself crawling underneath his covers, remorseful as ever for imagining things would even change, and he falls asleep almost immediately.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It had to be a dream. A rather realistic one, per se, but a dream nonetheless.

The room is illuminated with warm sunlight; hues of yellow and orange pouring in from the curtains and dancing on Minhyun’s face. It must have been irritating him behind his eyelids because a breath leaves his lips before he squints one eye open.

“Morning”, his raspy voice greets Seongwu sleepily, before draping one arm around his waist. He gazes sleepily at Seongwu, “You’re awake early for once.”

It’s early, and Seongwu feels the wind knocked out of his chest.

 _It worked_ , is all Seongwu could think of. He reciprocates Minhyun’s touch by slipping a hand underneath the man’s shirt and feeling his warm skin. They always do this when they cuddle, back when they still lived together, but this feels almost too real that it’s impossible it’s reality.

“Ticklish”, Minhyun hums contently. 

“You’re real”, Seongwu states, still stunned. 

“No Seong, I’m an artificial intelligence robot that was designed to test your abilities”, Minhyun replies flatly. Seongwu can feel him smiling against his arm. “Why are you questioning my existence this early?”

Minhyun moves in autopilot the entire day, almost as if he lives in Seongwu’s apartment. He cooked eggs and noodles for Seongwu before taking a shower. Even knows where he keeps his clean towels. He throws Seongwu a questioning glance when Seongwu stares at him from the couch, “Are you okay?”

“How long have we been dating?” Seongwu blurts out. He feels out of place in his own house even though it’s just Minhyun.

Minhyun raises an eyebrow. “Around two months?” He cocks his head. “You’re being weird.”

It can’t be real. Not when Minhyun is standing in front of him, ethereal as ever with feelings reciprocated this time. Not when he kisses Seongwu on the mouth later that night and the feverish feeling that creep onto his skin when he has Minhyun pinned down on his bed a few nights after. He convinced himself that he managed to change history two weeks later, when Minhyun had been consistent in proclaiming his love for Seongwu everyday. Seongwu notices the trace of confusion when he doesn’t say it back but he can’t help it, he’s still confused and disoriented with the current universe.

“I love you”, Seongwu tells him over dinner when he realizes it’s time to adjust before it’s too late again. 

Minhyun’s face lights up. “I love you”, he replies in a small voice. He reaches out for Seongwu’s hand, “I’m so glad I realized I do.”

Seongwu can’t help but feel skeptical. He cocks his head to the side in pretense and chuckles, “Mind telling me how we got to where we are again?”

Minhyun rolls his eyes. “You just want me to kiss your ass again, don’t you?”

When Seongwu doesn’t break eye contact, Minhyun sighs. “Jaehyun is a piece of crap and I should’ve trusted you earlier”, he squeezes Seongwu’s hand. 

Seongwu feels bile rising in his throat at the lack of context. “You must’ve suffered a lot”, he says.

Minhyun’s eyes droop with regret before he smiles again, “At least it’s over, isn’t it?”

That night when Minhyun is sound asleep on the bed, Seongwu scrolls past his messages with Minhyun. The past month’s is mostly empty, since Minhyun made him use one of those couple-apps to communicate instead and of course Seongwu gives in, he always does. He finds himself smiling. His new relationship with Minhyun must’ve been the start of his happiness. 

His thumb stops when it scrolls up to July, nearing four months prior.

 **Hwang Cheongie (Received, 11.48 a.m, July 6th)**  
_I’m sorry Seong, I can’t make it for today’s movie._

 **Hwang Cheongie (Sent, 11.51 a.m, July 6th)**  
_You’ve been cancelling our plans for weeks now, you realize that do you?_

 **Hwang Cheongie (Received, 12.25 a.m, July 6th)**  
_I know._

 **Hwang Cheongie (Received, 12.31 p.m, July 6th)**  
_Listen, I’m sorry. But Jaehyun is home today and he doesn’t like seeing me texting. I promise I’ll make it up to you okay, Seong?_

Seongwu feels the tremble on his fingers. He could tell what was coming next and the dread unfolding in his stomach is asking him to stop reading, but curiosity takes over him. 

**Hwang Cheongie (Sent, 8.43 p.m, July 24th)**  
_Not answering any of your friend’s texts for days, do you know how worried we were? Especially after seeing your bruises that night?_

 **Hwang Cheongie (Sent, 8.45 p.m, July 24th)**  
_Your boyfriend’s a fucking psychopath._

 **Hwang Cheongie (Received, 9.32 p.m, July 24th)**  
_It’s not what you think it is._

 **Hwang Cheongie (Sent, 9.35 p.m, July 24th)**  
_You’re 23 and he’s not allowing you to use your phone. You call that normal, Min?_

 **Hwang Cheongie (Received, 9.40 p.m, July 24th)**  
_He’s not usually like that._

 **Hwang Cheongie (Received, 9.41 p.m, July 24th)**  
_I promise. You don’t have to worry about me._

 **Hwang Cheongie (Sent, 9.44 p.m, July 24th)**  
_How can I not?_

 **Hwang Cheongie (Sent, 9.45 p.m, July 24th)**  
_How can I not worry when you’re suffering and I’m helplessly in love with you?_

 **Hwang Cheongie (Sent, 9.51 p.m, July 24th)**  
_Min?_

“You’re not sleeping yet?” Minhyun yawns out, popping one eye open.

“Yeah, I am.” Seongwu quickly dries his tears before braving a smile and getting under the covers. Minhyun immediately snuggles close to him and Seongwu stifles a giggle when his hair brushes against his chin. He runs a palm down Minhyun’s back.

“I’m gonna take care of you”, Seongwu promises quietly. I’ll make it right this time, he adds at the back of his head.

He was about to drift off to sleep when he hears Minhyun whispering back, “Okay.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seongwu should’ve known that wanting to do the right thing is never going to be easy. He should’ve trusted his guts when he felt the blood in his veins run cold. Should’ve booked a flight ticket far away when they still could.

Minhyun had red eyes when he sees him the evening he came back from work. “He framed me”, was all he could mutter, with torn contract papers in his hand.

Seongwu breaks on the inside. Minhyun cries.

“200 million won”, Minhyun repeats like a mantra when the ex boyfriend didn’t answer his call for the thirtieth time.

“We can find a lawyer”, Seongwu says slowly. He puts both hands on Minhyun’s shoulders before pulling him in for an embrace, “We’ll get through this, I promise.”

They go through several lawyers. Apparently no one would represent a nine-to-five office employee suing against one of the top shareholders in the state.

“Claiming bankruptcy would be best for now”, one of their last few choices of lawyers says with pity in his eyes. 

Minhyun doesn’t sleep for days. He shakes even when doing the simplest tasks, and when Seongwu touches him he flinches. 

The flicker of the second coin tempts him one day when Minhyun gets hospitalized from an overdose of sleeping pills. “I’ll make it better.” He gives a final kiss to Minhyun’s forehead before hailing a cab home, tossing the coin out of the window and forces himself to bed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This time Seongwu is determined to be careful. Be aware of the signs. 

How hard can it be? This lifetime Minhyun is still his roommate. He went all the way back to 2012; their freshman year of university. 

He trails his finger against the furniture in the house. Seongwu used to dread their apartment because it was out of the way and the pipe frequently leaks, but the rent was cheap and it was near the cafe he used to work part-time at so he couldn’t complain much. Plus the cats below his apartment made him less miserable whenever Minhyun would go out for dates.

Seongwu smiles when he sees Jello, one of the cats he adopted, sitting on the stairs just outside the elevator. He scratches its scruffy ears and reminisces the old times. College was difficult, albeit one of the best moments of his life. Studying performance arts, even though his parents were — are — displeased about it, was one of the best choices he made in life. Reflecting back on the past made him disappointed on his choices when he graduated; young blood being desperate, turning in his dreams for money, ending himself up in the corporate world instead of the stage where he always dreamt of. He decided that turning back the time, for the last time, not only gives him the chance to find his way to Minhyun, but also to his dreams.

Speak of the devil and he shall appears. Minhyun calls out Seongwu’s name from afar, snapping him out from his trance.

Seongwu almost forgets how beautiful Minhyun looks pre-graduation.

He doesn’t style up his hair; letting the bangs cover his forehead just above his eyes. Seongwu almost laughs when he sees his cuffed jeans, only to realize he’s wearing the exact same pair and worse, a bright coloured purple shirt. He groans loudly at the fashion disaster.

“What’s gotten our college heartthrob this frustrated early in the morning?” Minhyun teases with mirth in his voice.

“Minhyun”, Seongwu starts slowly. “Please tell me I haven’t done the boutique photoshoot yet.”

Minhyun cocks his head, bewildered. “You mean the corner store Sungwoon-hyung always drags you to visit? Didn’t they release the photos last week?”

“Oh no”, Seongwu moans in his hands. Unfortunately, he didn’t turn back enough to skip the ugly phase of his life. “Why didn’t you stop me?” He complains.

Minhyun laughs. “You said it could be the start of your stardom!”

“Not like that!”

They banter. Eat take-outs on the dinner table. Play video games (which Minhyun is still very much terrible in). 

Seongwu feels eighteen years old again.

Though this time, he has a little more courage and faith.

“I’m going out with Yesung tomorrow”, Minhyun announces when his PUBG character dies for the fourth time. He glances over at Seongwu when the latter doesn’t reply, “Did you hear what I said?”

The first time it happened all too long ago, Seongwu had faked a smile and encouraged him. Slowly it spiralled into something more and Seongwu had regretted not stopping him the first time. 

He takes a deep breath, “No.”

Minhyun narrows his eyes, “Yah, that’s so rude —”

“No, I don’t want you to go out with Yesung.” He swallows thickly and turns to face Minhyun. “Not with him, not with anyone else.”

Instead of a rejection and a string of apologies Seongwu expected him to give, he sees his face light up and maybe even a hint of excitement flash across his eyes. “Go on”, Minhyun says softly, surprising Seongwu.

Seongwu is good with words but at the moment, all the articulate thoughts he had flew out the window, leaving him with only three words on his tongue. “I like you”, he blurts out. Realizing he didn’t provide any context, he hurriedly continues, “More than— more than what we always are.”

Minhyun keeps quiet. “What are we?”

“Friends? Bros?” Seongwu cringes. 

“And what do you want us to be?”

“I’d like to take you out Minhyun”, Seongwu breathes out. “And if my intuitions are right, you’re gonna want to be with me forever.”

For the next few seconds Minhyun remains silent and Seongwu nearly loses his mind. “Okay”, he finally says, a tiny smile forming on his lips.

“Okay?” Seongwu repeats, unbelievable to his ears. 

Minhyun giggles fondly, “Did you think I was going to say no? You’re not as discreet as you think you are, Seongwu-ya.”

He thinks back to the countless days of practicing a confession he never got to say. Wondering why was he so dumb when Minhyun had always been understanding, had always known him like the back of his hand.

Seongwu clasps his fingers with Minhyun’s and brings his hand up, brushing his lips over the side of Minhyun’s wrist, earning himself a blush from the latter.

“Thank you”, Seongwu whispers. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And so they date. It’s easier than Seongwu thought, though it shouldn’t be surprising. They have always fitted perfectly even as friends; their personalities are alike two peas in a pod. Even their stars are compatible. Seongwu checks their horoscope readings everyday.

The first few months he had been a little too careful. Following Minhyun around like a lost puppy because he was afraid something, anything, would happen. Not that the other minds; he is affectionate himself and gives in to whatever Seongwu wants. Though sometimes Minhyun gets puzzled but he never questions it. As the months trickle by, with more assignments piling up and shared intimate acts in between their tight schedules, Seongwu slowly lets the tugs in his heart loosen, giving him space to breathe.

It was a little over a year before Seongwu forgets entirely about the coins.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“You said you’ll be here by seven”, Seongwu whines into the phone. He hears a laugh at the other end of the line and pouts further.

“I’m sorry babe, I promised Daniel I’d go to his showcase”, Minhyun smiles into the phone. At the background he could hear Daniel apologizing. “Anyway, why don’t you just go into the restaurant first? I’ve already booked a table.”

Seongwu huffs. “People are going to think I got stood up.”

“Alright, you whiny baby. We’re reaching in ten.” 

Seongwu glances down at the flowers in his hands and smiles. Usually Minhyun gets flustered at public display of affection, but today is their anniversary and regardless of how shy Minhyun is, he knows the other would like them.

He sees Daniel’s old jeep pulling up at the opposite road and rolls his eyes. He probably forgot his directions again and ended up on the other side. And sure enough, Daniel winds down his window and sends an apologetic, toothy smile in Seongwu’s direction.

Minhyun gets down and Seongwu waves him over with a big grin. He perks up immediately and waves in return; bidding a small goodbye to Daniel before running across the street towards his lover.

It happens in a split second.

The sound of the bang resonates across the streets; clash and clang of broken metal pieces falling to the ground piercing through the cold autumn breeze. 

Seongwu feels his heart stop.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“No”, he whispers when he could finally move again. He blinks rapidly, feeling the surge of anxiety taking over his entire body as he numbly tries to snap himself out of the daze. 

He runs across the street where a few cars are already parked at the accident. He stops in his tracks; feeling mindless about what to do.

“Call the ambulance”, the first demand comes out sounding shaky and small. “Call the ambulance!” He screams louder at the bystanders. He rushes forward but the metal scraps and blood on the road makes him sick to the stomach and he doesn’t know where to start.

“Seongwu”, Minhyun touches his arm. He sounds unstable himself; has bloody scratches from falling on the road. “Stop.”

Seongwu couldn’t respond. Couldn’t tear his eyes off the scene in front of him.

In front of his eyes is Daniel in his car. Crushed by a truck in a freak accident.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seongwu didn’t know Daniel had a little sister this lifetime until his funeral.

It’s a quiet ceremony. Not that Seongwu expected anything else. It’s just that quiet is never something people associate Daniel with. The boy is— _was_ , Seongwu had to remind himself— the light of everyone’s life. His smile was so bright and he had the kind of laugh that made you want to stop and stare. Everyone loved him.

Seeing his little sister weeping at the corner wrenches Seongwu’s heart in the worst ways possible. He doesn’t realize he was crying until Minhyun wipes a thumb on his cheek.

He sends him a sad smile. “Daniel wouldn’t like seeing his best friend cry.”

Hearing that makes Seongwu feel worse. He’d rather get punched in the face. He knows Daniel could always throw a punch if he wanted to.

 _Your fault_ , a voice rings in his ears. The spot on his hand where the coin used to sit now burns.

What are the odds? Daniel dying on his relationship anniversary, as if the universe is telling him that he is the sacrifice Seongwu made just to be with Minhyun?

Who is Seongwu to determine that Daniel had to die for the sake of his happiness?

He finds himself going back to the train station after the funeral. The hallways send an eerie feeling down his spine. He hasn’t been there since Minhyun’s wedding, which seems like a long time ago; and wonders why did he want to change the past in the first place.

“Tough night?” A familiar voice he was waiting for. Seongwu turns and finds the same old man, standing behind his stall. 

“You did this”, Seongwu reaches for the man’s shirt furiously. “You killed Daniel, my poor Daniel and _me_ — ”

“You’re pointing fingers.” The old man states. He looks at Seongwu calmly, “You asked for an alternative past, didn’t you?”

Seongwu’s nose flares. “You tricked me— ”

“I gave you the warnings.” The old man says. “I told you, Seongwu. It comes with a price.”

Seongwu feels hot tears running down his face.

“And you paid for it”, the man concludes. “And now you get what you’ve always wanted.” He smiles, “Aren’t you happy?”

Seongwu’s throat throbs. “My best friend died because of me.”

Despite the manipulation, Seongwu unfists the man’s shirt, letting him go. He knows it was only his greed that should be blamed for the situation he got himself into. His desire to change the past overridden the rationality of his choices, and if he had weighed the consequences better he would’ve known better than to challenge something much bigger than he could handle.

Seongwu looks up at the man when he recalls a message. “Ahjussi. You said you used a coin when you had four, didn’t you?” He pleads the man with desperate eyes, “Please grant me the last one.”

The old man gives Seongwu a grave look. “There’s only so much of the past you can change before the retributions get worse.”

Seongwu shakes his head, not ready to give up just yet. “I’m going to do whatever it takes to change what happened.”

“Even if,” Seongwu pauses, swallowing what’s coming next, “even if Minhyun isn’t mine this time.” He looks at the man with wide eyes, “Please, just for Daniel to be alive. I’d exchange anything.”

The old man stops what he was doing and hums, “That’s a very dangerous thing to say.” He slips a hand into his pocket and pulls out an all too familiar bronze coin, “Though, the universe would like to trade. They tell me you’re brave.”

Seongwu reaches out his palm and when the coin is neatly pressed onto his skin, he closes his fist.

“Thank you”, he tells the man. 

“Wish well.” The old man says; Seongwu’s bright eyes filled with sudden hope sends a regretful pang to his chest when he walks away. “We won’t cross paths again.”

Seongwu finds a cheap motel to stay the night. He sends a final message to Minhyun to reassure him. He doesn’t want to say goodbye to Minhyun before he tosses the coin and enters a new realm. Somewhere inside he knows he’ll be too afraid that he won’t end up making a wish. Maybe he’s gotten too used to being with Minhyun, to Minhyun being his, and maybe this is the price he has to pay for being selfish.

 **Hwang Cheongie (Received, 7.49 p.m)**  
_Where are you? I’m getting worried, please answer my calls_

 **Hwang Cheongie (Received, 8.01 p.m)**  
_Seongwu, please_

 **Hwang Cheongie (Sent, 8.53 p.m)**  
_Hey, don’t worry. I’m just walking to clear my head and the signal here isn’t too strong_

 **Hwang Cheongie (Received, 9.02 p.m)**  
_You made me worried. I can’t lose you too._

Seongwu cries. Brushes his finger across Minhyun’s name for the last time. 

**Hwang Cheongie (Sent, 9.04 p.m)**  
_You fool, you’ll never lose me. I’ll be back before you know it._

 **Hwang Cheongie (Received, 9.06 p.m)**  
_I’ll be waiting. I love you._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seongwu wakes up to a phone call. His mouth dries at the voice on the other side of the line.

“Hyung, you’re late!” Daniel grumbles loudly. “I hope you’re at least dressing up already.”

When Daniel picks him up, in the same car that got crashed in the other realm, Seongwu couldn’t help but to pull Daniel in for a hug. 

“Hyung, what’s wrong with you?” Daniel laughs, though he returns the gesture easily. Of course he would, he’s still the same Daniel in every realm.

“Nothing”, Seongwu says into his shoulder. “Just missed you, that’s all.”

A strong sense of deja vu overwhelms him when he walks into the ceremony. 

The same scene he often dreams of. The white bouquet of flowers, the warm smiles with every turn of head he takes, the gowns and suits.

The scenario he had wanted so badly to happen; the one that nearly sent Minhyun into depression and getting his best friend dead.

It’s the same wedding he attended of course; Minhyun and Jaehyun’s. It’s at the same place, the same time; even the weather feels the same. Almost as if nothing has changed but Seongwu knows everything did.

He listens to the priest, did a toast for Minhyun. Tried not to crumble when he sees the face of the man he dearly loves. This time he altered his speech. Instead of pitying himself, he makes sure to say that he’s happy for Minhyun, and that he’ll always be here for him.

As his best friend.

He stays to the end of the ceremony this time. Dances along with his friends, drinking champagne and eating cake. Somewhere in between Minhyun comes along and pokes Seongwu on his cheek, “Would you like to dance with your best friend?”

A lifetime ago, Seongwu would have replied with an “Aren’t you tired of breaking my heart, Hwang Minhyun?” with a tease, hoping Minhyun would take the hint.

Now, he just takes his hand and leads him to the dancefloor. Jaehyun sends him a smile across the room, dancing with his mother.

“You look good”, Minhyun tells him when they’re slow-dancing. “Though I don’t know what to feel about you stealing hearts at my wedding.”

Seongwu chuckles, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, looking like a god yourself.” Seeing Minhyun in his wedding suit is beautiful, even if he isn’t the one he’s marrying. “Jaehyun is a lucky man. Luckier once he finds out you’ll never shut up about him.”

Minhyun just smiles; his eyes are soft when he looks at Seongwu. He rests his cheek on Seongwu’s shoulder, sighing contentedly as they continue to waltz. At the back of the room Woojin and Jihoon are giving each other piggybacks as they laugh and shout at one another, almost forgetting that they are in a formal event.

“Seongwu”, Minhyun whispers in his ear after a moment of silence.

“Hm?”

“I love you.” Minhyun tells him softly. Seongwu pretends his heart doesn’t drop just the slightest.

Minhyun faces Seongwu and smiles at him, squeezes his biceps. “You’re my best friend, you know that?” He licks his lips. “I love you. Thank you for everything.”

He pauses a bit before whispering, “I’ll miss you.”

It almost feels like a goodbye forever.

The rest of the ceremony goes well. Seongwu makes sure to stay till the end and have the guests get their rides home. Minhyun and Jaehyun immediately leave for their honeymoon after thanking everyone. Seongwu holds Minhyun’s hand one last time before watching him drive down the road.

He’s filled with both sadness and contempt. 

Daniel drops him off at the train station and he takes the last train home. The coach is surprisingly full for a midnight ride, save for a few empty seats and Seongwu sighs inwardly, squeezing his way to the back.

Leaning against the railing, he looks out of the window and sees the all too familiar man staring straight back at him from outside. A sense of dread grows inside him when the train starts to move. 

He parts his lips in his worry when the train passes the man until he’s no longer there to be seen. His senses are suddenly heightened by his surroundings.

The pregnant lady sitting next to him.

A crying child being soothed by their parents at the corner.

A group of teenagers laughing in front of him.

What are the odds? Unconsciously declining Daniel’s ride to catch the train? Getting onto a coach full of passengers in the middle of a night?

_The worst retributions of all is when you see it happening to people around you._

The sirens in his head begin ringing loudly and Seongwu wishes he had time to calculate the number of casualties he’d be responsible for. It becomes almost nauseating when the static pounds his head a little too loud, and he almost misses the resonance of screams coming from the coach before his, and the drop of his own coach that follows.

When he feels the impact, Minhyun’s last words to him are the only thing running through his head. 

_I’ll miss you._

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Epilogue**

“Worried?” 

Minhyun glances up from his phone and sees his husband next to his seat sending him a warm smile. He switches off his phone and sighs, “Just a little bit.”

“He doesn’t know at all that we’re moving away?”

Minhyun shakes his head. “Nah, knowing Seongwu he’d throw a fit and demand every possible explanation in the world why I had to move to Japan.”

Jaehyun pats his own shoulder when the plane starts to take off, inviting Minhyun to cuddle closer which he seizes the opportunity to do so. “Don’t worry, he’ll come around and understand.”

Minhyun sighs. It’s a long ride ahead and he closes his eyes when the pilot announces they’re stable in the sky. 

“I’ll call him tomorrow. It’s not like it’s too late anyway.”

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos are appreciated uwu


End file.
